Roller coaster revisited

Once upon a time we were told having a preemie is like being on a roller coaster.  And you can't get off.

Unexpected events happen that turn you upside down and inside out.  Emotions and fears well up inside that you didn't know existed.  One day the sea is calm and peaceful the next it becomes a raging storm.

Countless days this roller coaster analogy has been true for us.

Abby did great post-op and seemed to be tolerating her feedings very well.  The day we reached her goal feeding rate something changed and we found ourselves back on that dreadful coaster.

Without going into all the details of the past several days I'll just say that she has been miserable.  Hours of inconsolable crying, finger biting and frustration.  The pain medicine didn't touch it.  Nothing helped.

With her feedings turned off we sat together through Monday night into Tuesday morning, crying together and praying for relief.  She finally gave up at about 8:15 am and slept until her scheduled neurology appointment.  This sweet doctor took special interest in her discomfort (although unrelated to her seizures) and called our pediatrician for a consult.  He came and checked Abby out (at the neurologists office!).  One of many ways God extended His mercy yesterday.

Finally exhausted!

Nothing seemed to be obviously concerning.  We had been worried about a possible bowel obstruction, especially considering her history of bowel disease (NEC with perforations as a baby) and recent abdominal surgery.  Thankfully this was ruled out! whew.

Although we don't really know what caused all the distress we do know it is related to her feedings.  After 36 hours on Pedialyte only she is peacefully resting and seems comfortable at last.

There are a few theories floating around in my brain about what this could mean, but ultimately it only brings us to a place of true surrender once again.  Yet another reminder that Abigail Christina is in God's hands and her circumstances are out of our control.  Of course our prayer continues to be for her health, growth and comfort.  We are slowly learning to find peace in His presence alone, even when deliverance doesn't come.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out it's roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; it's leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Oh, to be like that tree!